Feds beg Congress for another hit

The federal government has promised to go clean for real next time.

As the national debt spirals above $14 trillion, the federal government is begging Congress for just one more hit by extending the national debt ceiling.

Smoking a rolled up $100 bill and sticking some $20s into his veins, White House economic adviser Austan Goolsbee announced at a press conference Monday, “We just need some more fiat, and we promise we’ll quit borrowing – we really will.”

The debt ceiling stands at $14.294 trillion, the result of a law signed by President Obama last February.

Now, however, the White House is begging for a new extension, warning that without it, numerous unconstitutional and wasteful programs will be jeopardized.

“I don’t mean to be threatening, but if the federal government defaults on its obligations, everyone will die and the planet will hurtle off its rotational axis and into the sun,” Goolsbee argued, gesturing with shaking hands.  “We need this.  We need it.”

Not everyone agrees on the proper solution.  While some congressional Democrats have appeared unable to grasp the concept of less spending, many Republicans argue that any and all cuts in military spending would mean the terrorists win.

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