Snow provides proof of whichever global warming theory currently popular

The massive snow storms prove, somehow, that man is responsible for all this.

Christmas weekend brought delightful snow to some Americans and travel headaches to many others.  According to climate scientists, it also brought irrefutable proof of global warming, climate change, or whatever variant of the same is currently put forth as the consensus theory.

Climate scientists aren’t exactly sure whether global warming or climate change is the proper way to describe any and all observed weather phenomena.  Some have even suggested global cooling or a combination of all words – global warming climate change cooling – to encompass all possible theories.  Regardless, scientists say, the Christmas snow is definitely not natural.

“Our mission is to develop a theory which adequately explains why the world is heating up, or why it’s cooling down, or why it does nothing at all,” said Bill Hastings, a climate scientist at the University of New Orleans.  “Because this weekend’s snow is setting records in some spots, we can safely assume that one of our theories assigning blame to man’s activities is sufficient to explain it.”

Hastings noted that global warming/climate change/global cooling doesn’t just mean, for instance, hotter weather, less rain, or less snow.  While any of those conditions would be proof of global warming/climate change/global cooling, just the opposite is true as well.

“If we have snow, or we don’t have snow, or warmer weather, or cooler weather, either way it’s proof that man’s economic activities have caused disturbances in the earth’s climate system,” he said.  “Because man exists, and we can’t really know what the weather would be like without him, we have to assume this is man’s fault.”

The amount of snow seems to defy earlier predictions of a milder winter.  But the same scientists who predicted warmer weather say their data actually predicted the colder weather as well.

“The best computer-generated atmospheric models did predict warmer weather, but in a way, it also predicted the colder weather we currently have as well,” said Edna Jenkins, climate specialist at Southern Kansas University.  “Although this winter has proven a little colder than we originally thought, it’s still warmer than the weather on Mars – which is not occupied by humans – so clearly man is responsible for this weather, too.”

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