WikiLeaks reveals KFC’s secret recipe

The colonel's recipe is a secret no more.

Of all the sensitive documents released this week by WikiLeaks, perhaps none has caused more controversy than the unveiling of KFC’s secret recipe.

The famous 11 herbs and spices that make up the colonel’s secret recipe have long been jealously guarded.  But a series of documents unveiled by Julian Assange’s web site on Monday have blown the fast food chain’s cover and possibly damaged its bottom line.

Kevin Tompkins, a spokesman for KFC, described the executives as “livid” and said the company will seek prosecution for the leak.  State Department officials have similarly vowed revenge.

“We will take aggressive steps to hunt down and destroy whoever has compromised this great restaurant’s monopoly on deliciousness,” said Secretary of State Hillary Clinton during a press conference.

This past summer, WikiLeaks published stolen war logs relating to the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.  Assange was accused, then and now, of endangering American troops worldwide.

“Julian Assange has blood on his hands for any deaths that might occur,” said Clinton.  “Obviously, of course, our government deserves no such blame for initiating, funding, and maintaining any of our numerous wars and foreign involvements.”

The massive document dump also revealed embarrassing comments made by U.S. diplomats about various world leaders.  North Korean leader Kim Jong-il was said to “suck at playing Wii” while Iran’s Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was described as a “bad tipper” at lunch.  Another wire quoted Clinton as saying, “Obama will probably lose in 2012; maybe someone else should be the Democratic nominee.”

Not all the comments were derogatory.  Afghan leader Hamid Karzai “can do a mean impersonation of Sean Connery,” while Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin’s addiction to paint thinner “has really helped float our economy through the recession.”

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