Pardoned turkey goes on crime spree

Obama pardons Apple the turkey Wednesday at the White House.

Apple, one of the turkeys pardoned by President Obama on Wednesday, has returned to a life of crime.

The spared bird was caught outside Annapolis, Md., after allegedly shoplifting from several area Wal-Mart stores during the Black Friday shopping spree.  Apple also reportedly fired shots at a turkey processing center.  No one was hurt in either incident.

Obama’s aides said the White House was “embarrassed and disappointed” after learning of Apple’s arrest, while Republicans accused the president of being soft on crime.  Presumptive Speaker of the House John Boehner, R-Ohio, said it’s important the annual White House ceremony not jeopardize public safety.

“We need to be careful about the turkeys we let out,” said Boehner.  “And we need a president that’s going to take a tough stance on fowl-related crime.”

Apple’s criminal record lists arrests for two armed robberies and a scuffle with one of the Chik-fil-A “Eat Mor Chikin” cows.  It was revealed late Friday that the same official who failed to properly vet “Green Jobs” czar Van Jones last year was responsible for selecting Apple.

Cider, who has been volunteering at a soup kitchen since Wednesday, made no comment on Apple’s arrest.

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